I didn't make this cake, but I thought it was beautiful. I loved the autumn colors and theme. 
picture taken from allposters.com
We visited the St. Louis Zoo yestarday. Hubby had the day off and we thought we had better go before it gets too cold. Going during the week is the thing to do. We saw the entire zoo and we did it as slowly as we wanted. It did rain a little, but it didn't dampen our spirits. At one point it did pour kind of hard and we took shelter under a fake rock over hang and watched the above elephant play in the ran for some time. It was so nice observing God's creatures and spending time with each other. We had a great time!
Just an update: Still no baby. She is dialated to 2 and shes "afaced" whatever that means. Yet, her doctor doesn't want to admit her until her contractions are stronger. I picked today... so we'll see. My husband has tomarrow.
photo from flickr
So far I'm doing pretty good. I'm praying for hubby each morning and I'm trying to figure out how to make myself look better. Yestarday I waited until I got home from work and I fixed my hair special and put on a nicer shirt. It was well recieved. I've been reading Anna's posts about modesty and feminimity and I admit I'm kind of lost when it comes to these subjects. I've never been able to figure out how to "fix myself up". Putting myself together in the morning just confuses me. What looks right and what doesn't? I look in my closet and I would have to buy a whole new wordrob to look like I would want to look. Thats just too expensive. But, I'm trying to make due with what I've got and when I do get the chance to buy something new I'm trying to be better.
Questions posted by Anna:
Ladies, those of you who are married, how long was your engagement? Did any of you have to delay your marriage for an extended period because of some reason? How did you deal with the insecurity, frustration, the feeling your life isn't really going anywhere?Those of you who waited, what was the hardest part for you, and today, are you glad you waited?I understand this is a personal question to ask, but I need strength and I feel I could be very much encouraged by a testimony of someone who had been through this.
Our engagement lasted for exactly 1 year, 1 month, and 1 week. I suppose this might not be considered an "extended period", however it was one of the most difficult times in my life and in our relationship. I didn't enjoy being engaged. We dated for two years and had never had an arguement or disagreement until we got engaged. Mostly we fought over what was going to happen after we got married and weither or not we really wanted to get married. It would go back and forth. One day I would back out, another he would. Marriage was definatly something we didn't take lightly. Our families didn't help either. My mom was driving me crazy, she was the "mother-of-the-bridezilla". The first and last thing I got to make a decsion on concering the wedding were the colors, and even they didn't end up being the hues that I wanted. His mom was pushing and pulling him in all different directions. One week she would insist on us living with her after we got married (I flat out refused that). Another she wanted us to rent, another she wanted us to move her and live in her house. Anyway, so many times we nearly called it off for good. Then finally the day came. BING BANG BOOM and it was over in just a few hours. All that craziness and everything for just a few hours of music, pictures, and food. I honestly don't remember most of it.
The most important thing is the rest of your life, not that one day. Am I glad that we waited a year? Well, I suppose there was no real damage done. However, we would both tell you that if we had it to do over again we would elope.
This past weekend I some how or another ended up at a ladies conference. Occasionally I agree to things without first thinking them through. But, my husband encouraged me to go saying it would be good for me to get out of the house. In most areas of the evening I had a good time, but there were several others that bothered me or were challenging. The challenging bits were sercumstaces in which I would have liked to have had my husband with me. For instance, the woman that I rode with lost her wallet. She nearly fell apart. In the end all we had to do was retrace our steps.
Anyway, the main person that most of the 7,000 women had come to see was a female comedian. Don't get me wrong, mostly she was funny. But her, I guess "sketch" would be the right word here, started out by telling things on her husband. In other words she was making fun of him. She told of his snoring, his overgrowth of body hair(which I didn't need/want to hear about), etc. All around me there were women cheering this on, nodding in knowing agreement. I was terrible embarrased for her husband. All I could do was put my head down and attempt to push out all the bashing from my ears.
Women start doing this. They do it with other women. Then those women think its fun and start doing it too. Its disgraceful! Would you want your husband to tell all his friends your flaws? How about you find out your husband told his friend that you pick your nose, or that you belched kind of loud the other day. No, you wouldn't like it at all.
Ladies...we are supposed to respect our husbands. That includes refraining from "telling stories" on your husband. If you are guilty of this (I'll admit I have been in the past)-Well Stop It! Replace those jeering rantings with uplifting news of your man. Tell your friends how much your husband loves you and how he shows it. I know that some men aren't exactly worthy of their wive's praise, but it is required non-the-less. Even the nastiest man has something good that you could say about him.
I really enjoy Valentine's Day. I just love to think about how much I love my hubby, and how much he loves me. Last year we made each other presents. I made him biscotti for his hot chocolate and he made me a wooden shelf for my hair dryer and curling iron. This year we are buying, but he set a price limit of $40. I have no idea what I'm getting him, but thats part of the fun.
This week we've had to do some serious leaning on the Lord. Monday my brother-in-Law (Hubby's brother) was taken to prison for a year. I don't care to discuss the charges, lets just say the punishment fits the crime. It was very hard on Hubby. BIL has been in trouble before, but this is his first time in prison. He isn't allowed to have contact with anyone for 30 days. How lonely he must be. Also its especially hard on his daughter. She is very vulnruble right now. On the bright side, BIL was told he would need to take classes during his stay that may help him get out a little earlier. One of his classes is a religion class. I'm hopeing that this will be a good thing to come of it-that he might find peace in God. BIL is a very weary man. If he could let God in-I know it would change his life. Long nights and lonely hours, God will be there.
My Grandma (the one in the nursing home) hasn't been doing very well at all. She's been eating less and less. My Dad took her to the doctor yestarday, and the infection from her hands is gone. Thats good, but she still seems to be slipping farther away. Sometimes, when I'm alone and I think of her-the way she was-I just can't hardly stand it. She's been fadeing little by little for over 3 years now. Its like mourning her long term.
And finally I have to tell about what a wretch I am. Yestarday morning, when I recieved my check for work I immediatly began to covit something. At the store the other day, I noticed a skirt that I wanted. It was a long skirt. I kept thinking of it yestarday, and God kept warning me. I would reason, "But its a long modest skirt and I need to be modest." But God kept warning me. I picked Hubby up yestarday afternoon and we went to cash his check. While we were standing in line I could here the clothes section calling me. I asked very sweetly if I could go look around. He said I could. I went right to the skirt and admired it. I held it up to me, even with my short torso it hit my ankles just right. Hubby walked over and I declared that I would like to try it on. He followed me to the dressing rooms. It fit perfectly! I was very pleased, all the while WARNING! I told him I liked it and marched up to the check out before he had a chance to say anything. I paid for with "my" money and we headed home. That evening he was dividing up the money for the bills. I could tell he was discusted because he kept slamming his pen down. Apparently after the tithe and bills, we only had $50 dollars left over for food and gas. I became very uptight. Knowing that I had done wrong, I just got angry. Which, in our household, is just more wrong. I started questioning Hubby's figures and trying to weasel around what was obvious. I tormented us both all evening. This morning, it hit me. It was certainly all my falt. I had been stingy with the money, that was not mine anyway. I had been will full with my insistance that I have the skirt. Not only should have given the money to Hubby to begin with, but I should've asked before even trying on the skirt. The worst part was it was premeditated. I concluded that I must repent to God and Hubby and the skirt had to go back. A few minutes later, Hubby came to me all lit up. He explained that He had miscounted his money and we actually had another $100 leftover. I felt so foolish. I told him why we had had the problem, and asked for his forgivness. I told him I would return the skirt today. Then he said, "But, it looks so good on you." Not only did he forgive me, but he insisted I keep the skirt. Wonderful doesn't describe this man! He's awsome!
I've been asked to share how hubby proposed, so here goes:
We drove out the town park and got out of the car. I remember the leaves were changeing and some of them had already fallen. It was a beautiful afternoon. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It wasn't a surprise-I knew when and where he would do it before hand. We had talked a lot about it.
The second time, a couple of nights later, he proposed again in my parent's drive way. Just before we went in to tell them.
The reason he did it twice was this:
I didn't think my parents would like it and I wanted to waite until I was 18 so there would be nothing they could do about it. Then Hub couldn't waite to do it, so thats the reason for the first purposal. The second, was just so we weren't technically lieing to my parents when we told them that he had purposed to me on that night, the actual night of my birthday. I don't think I've ever told them.
For me, being engaged wasn't fun. My mom went nuts with the planning. Before I knew it, we were having her dream wedding. Also, Hub and I had our first disagreements during our engagment. There were several near misses. A couple of times I seriously didn't think we would make it to the isle, much less down it. Both of us had doubts, thankfully never at the same time. The day crept closer and closer and I got more up-tight by the second. It even made me physically sick a couple of times. I knew that I wanted to be Hub's wife, but the preperation for one day nearly did me in.
Finally, it was down to the wire. I wish I could set up the scene well enough. Just imagine: My mother was running around barking oders at everyone, Hub's mother was suddenly protesting the whole thing, and Hub and I were cowering under the power of both of them. The night of the rehersal one of my bridesmaides didn't show up. She had to be replaced by a causin. The dress had to be magically altered over night to fit the causin. Hub's mom refused to allow us to go to our honeymoon destination of Florida and she refused to pay for the rehersal dinner. The ring barrier didn't want to do his job. The flowers weren't what we thought they would be. It was a mess!
The next morning, things got going early. I had to get my hair done. And on and on I was pushed from one thing to the next. 1 hour before time, no Hub. I wasn't real worried. 30 minutes before time, no Hub. 15 minutes before time, still no Hub. His groomsmen arrived saying that he seemed to be glued to his recliner when they left him. Finally, 11 minutes before time he wondered into the church. I was informed that he was here right away. Thats the moment that it hit me. I paniced. The very first time in my life that I hyperventalated. Once I could breath again my mom insisted we start. The wedding was announced as follows: November 11th 2000 at 11:00 a.m. We started at 10:54. They were afraid I couldn't wait anymore. I heard the music start. My bridal party made there way up front. The ring barrier went without a fuss. Then my music came. I found my dad standing around in the fower looking sort of lost. I grabed his arm....and then realized I was on the wrong side. It was just like you see in the movies. We were ready to go. The ushers opened the doors, everyone stood up. I managed a smile, looking strait ahead seeing Hub looking nervous enough to pass out. All the sudden my dress got bunched up underneath me. I stepped on it with my way too tall high heels, and nearly wipped out. I was never so thankful for my father's steady hand. I was righted before I fell completely and on we went. I was so anxious by now, there was no santering slowly towards the front. We made it in record time. I practically dragged my Dad. The cerimony began. I was so happy to be on with it, and that Hub was still standing-I have no memory of what was said. After the cerimony the was a dinner and reception. Lots of lights flashing. Neither of us got to eat anything except for the bite of cake we were told to share. More lights. Then some gifts. Its all really a blur. When it was all over, we were out of our expensive clothes, in my parent's car headed where we weren't sure; Hub said "That was nice but I wish we would've eloped." I agreed.
Tomarrow, Saturday, we celebrate our 6th year in marriage. We've been together for almost 9. We have had a lot of fun together and have grown together in the Lord. We've been through hard times. Some of our own making. But, now I'm just so greatful for him. Then I thought we were in Love. Now I wonder if I could possibly love him more. I need him so much and I'm pretty sure he needs me too. I'm proud of both of us for our commitment to each other and I'm looking forward to what God has in store for our future.
I'm going to have to speed this up...
I didn't hear from Hub for a least a week if not more. Finally ( I imagine I called him), we talked. He told me he couldn't understand why I thought he would be like that. He said he knew enough about me to know that I wasn't "that kind of girl". Thats part of the reason he wanted to see me in the first place. You can imagine how stupid I felt. I made a big fool of myself.
Fast Forward---
We dated all through the summer. Hub was so much fun to be around. Even if we don't do anything more interesting than drive around town, I lived for our dates. School started again. I moved in with him-er- his locker that is. We were inseperable in school. We were together before class, in-between classes, at lunch. Any free time, you knew you wouldn't find one without the other. We were Highschool Sweethearts.
Fast Forward---
My Senior year I was an engaged woman. Hub proposed to me twice. Once after my 18th birthday party, and again the actual day I turned 18. I was surprised that my parents (especially my mom) didn't flip out. We told everybody that would listen. I took some flack from people who thought we were too young. But, for the most part everyone was happy for us. I started planing right away. We picked a date- November 11. That would give us a year to get everything together. If I had it all to do over again I wouldn't have made our engagment so long. It left too much time for conflict.
On Monday morning he didn't say much about the prom. A few weeks passed and school let out for the summer. We started calling each other since we weren't seeing each other every day. Hub has worked full time every since he was 16 years old. Through out our courtship, we mostly saw each other for a date night and that was all. He invited me over for lunch at his house on Memorial Day. I met his family (mom, older brother and his family). When it was time for me to go, he walked me to my car and finally kissed me. I was in a daze of heart shaped stars all afternoon. Shortly after that he asked me out on another date. I remember my curfew was 10:00. We saw the new version of Godzilla. I didn't care for it, but I enjoyed being with him. During the movie he put his arm around me. Thats when I realized that I was going to have to tell him where I stood on being physical. It was very important to me to save myself until marriage. I figured I would be wasteing both of our time if I didn't make it clear that he wasn't getting anywhere with me in that respect. During the ride home I kind of just blurted it out. I cringe now at how blunt I was with this fellow that I still didn't know that well. When I was finished telling him what I wasn't going to do and what was allowed, he was very quiet. In fact he didn't speak to me the whole way home. When we pulled up to the house, he didn't turn the engine off as if he was just dropping me off. I got out of the car and woundered if I had just ended our relationship.
The next morning he met me at the front door of the school. I still didn't know what I wanted. In the end my decsion was based on something petty. Hub was a Jr. at this time. Prom was in 2 weeks. I knew the other guy wasn't going. I saw this as my oppurtunity to go. When a girl sees a glimer of hope for attending a prom, any prom, she takes it. I said yes, hoping that Hub would ask me to go with him.
For the next couple of days we hung out together in between classes. I managed to talk him into letting me wear his class ring. I wrapped it up in yarn just like the other girls did. Thinking back on it, its really very cute. About 4 days before prom I was busting at the seams. He hadn't even mentioned it. So, I casually brought it up. Which led to his asking me. I was so thrilled! As I said, I wasn't a popular girl. Nor was I particularly glamirous. As far as I knew, this may be my first and last date, much less prom. Even though we had been an item for two weeks we still didn't know much about each other. My parents knew nothing of him. I didn't see the point in going there, if it was going to be just another High school romance that ends just as quick as it begins. But, now not only did I have to tell my mother that I was going out with a boy 3 years older than me but I had to ask her if I could stay out all night with him. I was 16, old enough to date. But, if you do the math-Hub was an adult. He had just turned 19. I went to my mother and explained the situation. She wasn't sure that it was a great idea. Then I pulled my best card- "Didn't Grandma forbid you from dances, and you regret not going to your prom?". Thats all it took. However, she made it clear that I wasn't staying out all night with the other kids. Now that I'm older, I know it was smart-in fact I'm not sure now that any of it was safe. Like I said I actually barely knew Hub. But, off to the prom I went. We talked a lot that evening. I felt so comfortable with him. We had a nice time at the dance. I had never slow danced, so that was some concern to me. But, I let him lead and he knew what he was doing. Fast forward- as we pulled up to my house I told him what a great time I'ld had. He offered to walk me to the door. Honestly, I hadn't even planned for this momment. I was freaking out, as we walked the long path from my drive way to the front door. I had never been kissed. I stepped up to the porch and nothing. He backed away and walked to his car. I was stunned. What kind of guy doesn't try to kiss his date?! Maybe he didn't like me. Did I make some move that said I didn't want a kiss. The worst part was I would have to waite until Monday to find out. As he drove out of the drive and onto our gravel road, he honked his horn. I was still standing at my door trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
A couple of days later I found out they had broken up. Then I heard him say that he was done with girls. He wasn't going to date anymore until they "grew up". Hub is 3 years older than me...so I didn't think I had a chance with him. Its hard to tell teenage time. Teenagers are so dramatic. It could've have been weeks or months I'm not sure. I remember that I had "moved on" and was back to being all about school. One day, for some reason, I was in the libreary when he was having study hall. I was just heading towards the door when he motioned me over to him. He said he wanted to sign up for email, but he didn't know how. He wondered if I could show him. I had computer class with him so I know how ignorant he is when it comes them. So we sat down together in front of one of the computers and I helped him get an email address. We joked around with each other and then when I had to go to my next class he thanked me and touched my arm. I felt that touch all day. I'm pretty sure it was just a couple of days later I had decided that I also had a crush on another boy in his class. I don't remember exactly, but we had some kind of moment. A week later, during lunch my friend told me that Hub was asking her a bunch of questions about me. She said she had told him that I would probably "go out with him" if he asked. I remember it was April Fools Day and I though she was kidding me. Then Hub walks up and my friend says, "Tell her that we talked". He said they had. I sort of just stood there, kind of embarrased. He said, "Well whats your answer will you go out with me?" and I said, "I don't know." I told him I would have to think about it over night. I took this decsion pretty seriously, I had never any intention of going around with a lot of boyfriends. In fact I had never really had one before. To me this was something big. Plus, don't forget I thought I liked that other guy too. I thought it over all night.
This Saturday is our 6th Wedding Anniversary. So I thought I would tell the story of us through out the week. That is if Blogger will cooperate.
I'm going to refer to hubby as Hub, because he wasn't always my husband.
The first time I remember being around Hub was when I was in 5th grade. I have a public school diagnosed learning disability. You may have noticed but that includes spelling. Anyway, the LD classes were held in a large room and were seperated by a row of book cases. I was on one side, he was on the other; in the reading class. Occasionally the classes would get together for games. I knew of Hub before LD class, he used to ride around town on a trick bike. I would see him when I would stay the night with my friend and we would hang out up town. But, LD class was the first time I was around him. The only thing I remember about him in LD class was that he used to get into trouble a lot. Hub was a year ahead of me in school.
Once in Jr. High, I chose my click. Lets say they were not the most well behaved or liked kids. As clicks are, they involve many sub-groups. Hub was in and around the same crowd. So, some what often we would end up in the same places hanging out with our individual friends. I definalty knew who he was and I thought I knew what he was all about. The other guys were fighters, trouble makers and such. Because he hung out with them, naturally I thought he was too. I should've known better, considering myself. Some aspects of the click did sink in on me. I nearly flunked Jr. High. We, my crowd, wasn't into studying or careing about school. Almost flunking really got to me. So, I went into High School determined that I would focus on school and work hard. My freshman year I was almost on the honor roll. As focused as I was, I did notice some flirting coming from Hub. But, I tried not to encourage him. Hub was what they would call these days a "player". I knew he "dated" a lot of girls. I would hear him telling his buddies about his latest girlfriend and he "dated" many of my friends. Hub was a nice guy type-and I thought he was kind of cute. But, I was trying desperately to pass my classes. I didn't have time for that stuff.
My Sauphmore year the flirting got even worse. Nearly every day he would walk by my locker and flip my poney tail. I would turn to see who was messing with my hair, and he would give me a big smile and wink as he was cooly walking by. One day he stopped me at lunch and asked me if I needed a ride home. He had noticed me walking to my Grandma's house. Considering the book load, I took him up on his offer. Usually he was taxi-ing. He would take several people home. Then he started driving a truck. You can only fit so many in the cab of a truck. By now, I was becoming interested in him. So, I started asking for a ride early in the morning so that I could call the cab. Sometimes I would even get to sit right next to him, if he was taking one of my friends home too. One day, he was in a really bad mood. We had just dropped off everyone else, and when he pulled up to my Grandma's appartment I didn't get out. I asked him if he was alright. He didn't say much at first-but eventually I gathered that he was fighting with his current girlfriend. He had never really talked to me before. I mean, we had exchanged words. But, never had a conversation. I was strangly thrilled. I didn't know that I had felt anything much for him until I found out that I could talk to him and that I might have a chance with him if he breaks up with that girl. I remember thinking, "Will I get my turn?"
