I'm Movin!

Click on the pic to check it out.

My main blog is moving and it's been over-hauled! Please join me for the new beginning!

(this blog will remain up - but I won't be updating here anymore)

Proverbs 31:25

 And she smiles at the future.

I can't tell you how many times I've read Proverbs 31.  Too many to count.  But, I was reading it today and those words stood out to me, as if I had never read them before.  They tell me that the woman is confident about the future.  She is sure that whatever happens, everything will be fine.  That God is in control of whatever is to come.  It has inspired me immensely!  This is my new motto and possibly even my new blog - stay tuned.

What day is it?

Ugh...... Everything has been so crazy.  I started my new job last week.  It is more hectic than I would've ever imagined.  My schedule is all over the place.  The hours are different every day.  It was supposed to be "part-time", but I'm doing 40+ this week.  Almost all of my co-works act as if they suck on lemons.  Let me just put it out there- I HATE IT!  But, it is what it is.  It has defiantly upped my prayer life.  I've been praying for patients, mercy, and a speedy end to this detour on my journey. 
I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging.  Not that I was obsessed with it before the job.  Really though, I don't even have the energy to check my email these days. 

Adoption Voices

Adoption Voices

Recently I joined a social network just for people touched by adoption.  Here's an excerpt taken directly from the website:

"Welcome to AdoptionVoices, the adoption social network! As a member of AdoptionVoices, we want you to have a safe place to share your story and ideas with others who understand and care as well as learn from other members of the adoption triad, advocates and professionals."

So far, it is a great place to socialize with other adoptive parents and even birthmoms.

Homestead Blessings Video Giveaway

Raising Homemakers

Taken directly from the Raising Homemakers blog : "RaisingHomemakers.com was born out of a desire grow, learn, and be encouraged by women who were living out Titus 2 and who were managing their homes well for the glory of God."

Visit them and see what it is all about.  Then enter the giveaway!

Crib bedding

You can find out more about it here.

I am in LOVE with this crib bedding set.  I have basically everything else for our nursery except for crib bedding.  I guess I've just never found any that I really really liked, until now.  This set is perfect!  Its gender neutral, it's outdoorsy, and its blue.  My mom and I painted the baby's room light blue.  Yes, I know blue is considered "boy", but I never conform to mainstream idealism.  Light blue is neutral in my world.  I also love the oranges and greens.  Do I have $162?  Definitely not!  But, I'm going to save up.  Hopefully, soon, this cute stuff will be in my nursery eagerly awaiting baby.

Memorial Day

I'm really not sure when the actual day is celebrated since modern society has turned it into an entire weekend extravaganza.  We usually recognize Memorial Day by putting flowers on the graves of our loved ones.  However, we are strapped for cash this year.  I'm hoping to at least make it up to my Grandmother's grave before the weekend is over.  I think of her, still, nearly every day though anyway.  It's been more than 3 years since her passing, but she lives on in my memories and through me personally.  Not to brag, but I have some of the best qualities that were her.  Sometimes, I think that I would just love one more day with her, or even just one hour.  I know I will get to see her again. 

Anyway, um....... Happy Memorial Day?  Is that what you say?  I'm not sure.... well, enjoy your holiday weekend.  There, hopefully that covers it.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes Turn and Face The Strange Changes

In case you didn't notice, most of my life has a soundtrack.  I have a jukebox in my brain.  There are some changes happening.  For the past two years I've worked within my home.  I've been preparing for a baby.  One that's coming any moment now- I just know it.  Yeah, well.... Life keeps rolling on.  For a couple months now we've been having a hard time with our mortgage company.  We tried to refinance our home loan with a local bank.  Even though they led us to believe that we were approved, it didn't work out.  While they were dragging their feet, my hubby's credit began to lower since we couldn't afford to pay our raised payments.  Finally, it became very clear that we were going to have to try and work something out with our original loan.  We've been talking to them about taking the escrow out of our payments (we've already got our taxes & insurance coming directly to us now), but they say that there's nothing they can do for us until we get our payments caught up.  So, that's what we are doing.  We are sending them another check tomorrow and that should have us caught up.  Now, if we don't get something worked out with them...... well, we can't afford to pay what they want.  So, we either have to sell the house (which I might as well tell you, is impossible) or sign it over to the bank.  That would hurt my hubby's credit - but, as I said it is already imperfect now.  What does this mean for us?  Well, we will have to move.  Where?  I don't know.  I do know that they won't give us a baby if we are homeless.  My parents keep telling us that we won't be homeless as long as they are alive.  That is comforting.  Sort of.  Even if we have a home to live in, they still won't give us a baby if we are living with my parents.  We have to be able to show that we are responsible and capable of providing for a child.  Living with your mommy- isn't doing that.  Also, we have to redo our homestudy in August since its been two years.  They will do a credit check.  So, if they haven't found out that we are homeless, they will find out that our credit isn't as good as it used to be.  Another reason not to give us a baby. 
Ok.  So with all of that explained, I can safely say that there are some serious changes soon to come.  Even if we do work something out with them with this house and get everything resolved, we've already decided that we really need to get out of this sink hole.  This is not a homeowners pie in the sky right now.  Basically, one way or another I see us living somewhere else by Christmas.  Renting isn't looking to bad folks.  Our dream is to buy some land in the country, around 5 acres or so and putting a double wide on it.  Having a pasture with some horses & cows.  A barn with some chickens & ducks.  A big garden with vegetables and fruit.  Yeah, we want to be farmers.  I grew up in the country.  I know how great it would be to raise a child there.  Where it's quiet.  I want a porch where I can go out in the morning and read my Bible with a cup of tea and be at peace. 
Today I got a job.  Like a real one.  Outside of my home.  At a popular large retail store.  More or less, I will be deep frying food all day.  Thank God I get to wear gloves.  Isn't that precious.  *Disgusted Sigh*  I know I'm going to be standing there with grease splattering my clothes and wondering how I got to that point.  While this battle with our mortgage company goes on, I know we are going to need extra money to pay our regular bills.  I was surprised at how easy it was to get a job.  I guess it is what God wants me to do right now.  I do what I need to do when I need to do it.  But, I will be dreaming of the day that I quit.  When I can be in my home (where ever it is), rocking my baby to sleep.  It's just going to take more work.  More prayer.  More waiting.  More patients.  More love.  More faith.  Oh Lord....... So much more faith.

Sarah's Laughter (IF Support)

I've been getting emails from this site for about a week now.  It is really uplifting and I encourage all who are delaing with infertility and/or child loss to check the sit out.  Here's an excerpt from the email I got today:

Sarah's Laughter

"The three Hebrew guys were thrown into a furnace because of their unyielding worship of God. Imagine the jaw-dropping moment when the king looked inside and saw four men walking around unhurt, and ordered the men to step out of the flames. But what if they had refused to come out? If the Hebrew boys had stayed in the flames when God stepped out, they would have been annihilated and utterly destroyed. His presence in that furnace that day assured them that they were safe and secure. They were in His care and no weapon formed against them—not the threats of the king, not the flames of the furnace—would prosper. The same God they trusted to walk with them through the fire was the same God they trusted to lead them out of the fire! He remains that trustworthy today as you experience the fires of infertility!"

They are also hosting a Live chat Friday @ 8:00 cst.  You can learn more about that here:

Infertility Chat

Mt. Dirty Dishes

Mt. Dirty Dishes

I'm looking to conqure it today!  It's pretty scarry and I may not make it, but I'm going to do it or die trying!

Mom's know everything!

Tonight my mom told me that she has read my blog.  I never could hide anything from her.  Once when I got pulled over by a cop, she knew about it before I ever got home.  When I was a kid she used to tell me that she had eyes in the back of her head.  I would get a mental picture of two eye balls hiding amongst her hair.  It freaked me out! 

Oh no.... Mother's Day

I've made it no secret in the past that I seriously loath Mother's Day.  I know its something that will always be with me, even if I finally do become a mother some day.  It would be so much easier if it did not have to be on a Sunday.  Last year I went to church because I felt it might be my Grandmother's last Mother's Day.  This year, she is most likely too weak to make it to church herself anyway.  So, I'm avoiding it.  It hasn't been easy since I teach a children's sunday school class.  I've been trying to find someone to cover for me.  Today I just left a message with the sunday school director that I wouldn't be there and I'll just let him take care of it.  I think we may take a trip down south to The Garden of The Gods.  Its beautiful country.  I'm going to try and forget that the silly holiday ever exsisted!

Bad Ovaries

My ovaries have turned against me again recently.  I've got cysts on both of them.  I've been off the pill for a few months to see what would happen.  Well, I found out all right.  So, I'm feeling some better but still a little yucky.  Went back on the pill to hopefully feel totally better soon.

You gotta have faith

I did a guest blog post for http://godsgirlramble.blogspot.com/
Casey told me that I could write about anything that I wanted as long as I had “faith” as a theme in mind. God has been trying to teach me about faith for a very long time. I decided to look up the definition of faith and among the other explanations this stuck out to me: [complete trust]. Do I completely trust God? Its really hard for me to admit, but I would have to say no. At the very least, I would say I sometimes don’t trust Him. Unless you’ve been living in a bubble your whole life, you know that people hurt each other. They let each other down. They stomp on each other. Even after only one experience like that, one begins to loose their innocent trust in others. I was raised in church and I have read the Bible for myself so I know that God is not human and loves me in a way that I cannot understand. He would never hurt me. He hurts when I hurt. I know this. I even believe it too. But, when things seem to be so bad - instead of trusting that He will take care of me and everything will be ok; I don’t. I guess you could say I sort of throw a tantrum. Yeah, just like a two year old. Things are not going my way and it is oh so unfair. I behave very badly right in front of my Father. I really do wish that I trusted Him. Everything would be so much easier. So much heartache and stress would be avoided. I don’t have “complete trust” in anyone. After 9 years I still occasionally ask my husband if he’s going to leave me. All that we’ve been through, not complete trust. All that my Lord has been through with me and for me, not complete trust. Faith or “trust” in God is a daily choice. In fact, a choice that has to be made from one minute to the next sometimes. Its not easy for me to make a conscious choice. I’m always letting my emotions run wild. Faith and Trust is saying, “Alright, I’m going to set aside everything that I think I know about this situation and I’m going to think this way about it”. It does occasionally happen that I react the correct way. But, not often enough. He is always trying to teach me to trust Him. It makes me think of that children’s song: “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be….” That is so true.

I really don't wanna

I really don't want to do it, but I think I'm going to have to.... write a post soon about sex.  I'm just hoping that what I have to say will make sense and will not be in poor taste.

Clogged up

I've gotten on here several times in the last few days with the intent of writting something.  Something profound and meaningful.  But, when I lay my fingers to the keyboard, nothing comes to me.  There are several things going on in my life right now, but nothing that I can manage to put into words.  Do you ever have thoughts but you just can't let yourself put them out there?  It makes me think of Mary, Jesus's mother.  A couple of times the Bible says that she "pondered these things in her heart"... or something to that affect.  I guess thats what I'm doing right now: Pondering things in my heart.  All I can say is, things never stay the same.  Everything always changing, weither I want it to or not.  Truely, its not that I don't like change - but its alarming when its happening without you.  You know?  Well, anyway, hopefully I can very soon begin to get all of this muck out of my head and onto this screen.  It always makes me feel better.