Casey told me that I could write about anything that I wanted as long as I had “faith” as a theme in mind. God has been trying to teach me about faith for a very long time. I decided to look up the definition of faith and among the other explanations this stuck out to me: [complete trust]. Do I completely trust God? Its really hard for me to admit, but I would have to say no. At the very least, I would say I sometimes don’t trust Him. Unless you’ve been living in a bubble your whole life, you know that people hurt each other. They let each other down. They stomp on each other. Even after only one experience like that, one begins to loose their innocent trust in others. I was raised in church and I have read the Bible for myself so I know that God is not human and loves me in a way that I cannot understand. He would never hurt me. He hurts when I hurt. I know this. I even believe it too. But, when things seem to be so bad - instead of trusting that He will take care of me and everything will be ok; I don’t. I guess you could say I sort of throw a tantrum. Yeah, just like a two year old. Things are not going my way and it is oh so unfair. I behave very badly right in front of my Father. I really do wish that I trusted Him. Everything would be so much easier. So much heartache and stress would be avoided. I don’t have “complete trust” in anyone. After 9 years I still occasionally ask my husband if he’s going to leave me. All that we’ve been through, not complete trust. All that my Lord has been through with me and for me, not complete trust. Faith or “trust” in God is a daily choice. In fact, a choice that has to be made from one minute to the next sometimes. Its not easy for me to make a conscious choice. I’m always letting my emotions run wild. Faith and Trust is saying, “Alright, I’m going to set aside everything that I think I know about this situation and I’m going to think this way about it”. It does occasionally happen that I react the correct way. But, not often enough. He is always trying to teach me to trust Him. It makes me think of that children’s song: “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be….” That is so true.
3 comments:
Thank you for writing this and letting me share it, I truly appreciate it!
It was my pleasure!
The best part is that God knows that you don't trust Him, and He understands. He created us....he knows our every single flaw, and He loves us anyway. :) He will never ever forsake us, even if it takes the rest of our lives to fully let Him have the reins!
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