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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Question Answered

Terri asked:
"Oh, Bethanie! I can relate! May I ask why your husband wants you to continue working? You may have addressed this in an earlier post and I might have missed it. "

I looked back through some of my old posts on the subject and realized that I didn't address it.

I guess it boils down to the fact that he feels its normal. We were both brought up by hard working women. Outside of the home working women. On one hand, my mother chose a career. She went through 6 years of schooling, and worked her way up to being some sort of coordinator of something. But, my mother-in-law was a single mother who was forced to make things run on her own. She worked sometimes 3 jobs, doing whatever she could to make ends meet. Neither one of our mother's were the homemaking type. Theres a funny story:
I took home ec. in highschool. The first semester, for the normal girl, is pretty basic. You learn to cook the basic things. Biscuits, pie crust, waffles. When the teacher announced that we would be making waffles, I raised my hand and asked how we were going to do that when she had no toaster in the kitchen. My mom still thinks that story is funny. She tells it to people often, as if shes proud that her daughter honestly thought waffles only came frozen. You can also imagine how surprised I was to hear you could make pudding from scratch.
Anyway, I started this job because we had so many medical bills at the time. It was just after I broke my foot and everything. With the job we were able to get out from under that debt in just a year. So, I'm grateful that I got it. But, why am I still doing it? I guess because thats the way we were brought up. I know that if I did quit to stay at home, then we would get a lot of flack from our parents. My mother-in-law would say that I was lazy, as if she needed another reason to dislike me. And my mom would think something like, "My son-in-law made my daughter quit her job so she can be at home serving him" as if that were a bad thing. If we had children it might be different, or at least from my mother-in-laws side. But, we don't and may never. Still, even without a child, I feel the strong desire to keep my home. Its true that this job is only 3 hours out of my day. But its more than that. It takes up so much of my emotional time. I try so hard to separate everything, to compartmentalize. But, my work stress carries over into my home work. I hate feeling pulled away from my home, to serve others. Other wives's husbands. However, I will do it until.... Every woman has her hardships, this is one of mine. I shall be rewarded for being obedient, eventually.


Anna S said...

It struck me in your post that you work because it's "normal". So many people do! In my community, being a full-time homemaker is something unheard of. I'm not sure I will ever be there (I'm still single) but this is certainly what my heart desires.

If I tell this, I'm usually looked upon as though I've lost my marbles. :)

Bethanie said...

me too! I guess we can be marbleless together. LOL

Terri said...

Thank you so much, Bethanie, for answering my question. As you know, I work outside of the home, too, even though I have the strongest desire to stay home. I continue to work for many reasons - bad financial decisions when I was single, benefits for both of us since my husband's job doesn't provide ANY, plus my husband wants me to. One thing that has REALLY helped me recently is reading the book "Are You Serious About Marriage?". I'm posting chapter reviews on my blog but I skipped ahead and read the chapter on a woman's role. Let me tell you, what Mrs. Zakula points out in this chapter blew my socks off! I had NEVER read anything like what she wrote. I don't want to spoil my upcoming post by writing what she says about it - if you'd like to read this insight, please e-mail me. What she said has truly helped my attitude! God bless you, dear Sister!

Mary said...

Terri's got me intrigued, I'll be hopping over there for sure to read about it.

Bethanie, you're in a spot for sure, but God knows about it, and He can give you the "desires of your heart"...I'll keep praying.

I just wonder if there's anything you can do from home? Medical transcriptions? I have a friend at church who took those courses, they cost around $1000 but then they help plug you right into a good job.

I worked for 8 months our first year of marriage, but it was because I thought I needed to...dh didn't want me to so I finally quit. We went 4 years without children, so I know what you mean about being looked upon as lazy by the in-laws, etc. They never said so, but I could tell. I stayed busy volunteering at church for various things, and spoiled dh rotten! It was wonderful, and God always provided. Don't lose hope, your submission to your hubby is pure gold in God's eyes.

Bethanie said...


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