In case you didn't notice, most of my life has a soundtrack. I have a jukebox in my brain. There are some changes happening. For the past two years I've worked within my home. I've been preparing for a baby. One that's coming any moment now- I just know it. Yeah, well.... Life keeps rolling on. For a couple months now we've been having a hard time with our mortgage company. We tried to refinance our home loan with a local bank. Even though they led us to believe that we were approved, it didn't work out. While they were dragging their feet, my hubby's credit began to lower since we couldn't afford to pay our raised payments. Finally, it became very clear that we were going to have to try and work something out with our original loan. We've been talking to them about taking the escrow out of our payments (we've already got our taxes & insurance coming directly to us now), but they say that there's nothing they can do for us until we get our payments caught up. So, that's what we are doing. We are sending them another check tomorrow and that should have us caught up. Now, if we don't get something worked out with them...... well, we can't afford to pay what they want. So, we either have to sell the house (which I might as well tell you, is impossible) or sign it over to the bank. That would hurt my hubby's credit - but, as I said it is already imperfect now. What does this mean for us? Well, we will have to move. Where? I don't know. I do know that they won't give us a baby if we are homeless. My parents keep telling us that we won't be homeless as long as they are alive. That is comforting. Sort of. Even if we have a home to live in, they still won't give us a baby if we are living with my parents. We have to be able to show that we are responsible and capable of providing for a child. Living with your mommy- isn't doing that. Also, we have to redo our homestudy in August since its been two years. They will do a credit check. So, if they haven't found out that we are homeless, they will find out that our credit isn't as good as it used to be. Another reason not to give us a baby.
Ok. So with all of that explained, I can safely say that there are some serious changes soon to come. Even if we do work something out with them with this house and get everything resolved, we've already decided that we really need to get out of this sink hole. This is not a homeowners pie in the sky right now. Basically, one way or another I see us living somewhere else by Christmas. Renting isn't looking to bad folks. Our dream is to buy some land in the country, around 5 acres or so and putting a double wide on it. Having a pasture with some horses & cows. A barn with some chickens & ducks. A big garden with vegetables and fruit. Yeah, we want to be farmers. I grew up in the country. I know how great it would be to raise a child there. Where it's quiet. I want a porch where I can go out in the morning and read my Bible with a cup of tea and be at peace.
Today I got a job. Like a real one. Outside of my home. At a popular large retail store. More or less, I will be deep frying food all day. Thank God I get to wear gloves. Isn't that precious. *Disgusted Sigh* I know I'm going to be standing there with grease splattering my clothes and wondering how I got to that point. While this battle with our mortgage company goes on, I know we are going to need extra money to pay our regular bills. I was surprised at how easy it was to get a job. I guess it is what God wants me to do right now. I do what I need to do when I need to do it. But, I will be dreaming of the day that I quit. When I can be in my home (where ever it is), rocking my baby to sleep. It's just going to take more work. More prayer. More waiting. More patients. More love. More faith. Oh Lord....... So much more faith.
Click on the pic to visit the Moby Wrap website.
click on the logo to check it out!As you can see from my cute little ticker above we have been waiting for 9 months now for a baby. If I were pregnant then this would be it. But, unfortunately, adoption isn't as simple. 9 months of waiting.... it really is a long time. Will there be 9 more? I just don't know. But I'm depending on the Lord to sustain me through this.
I got some not so good news today. Our adoption specialist Reta isn't going to be working with us anymore. She is going to be working in the big office in Beleville. I am very unhappy about this for two reasons. One, we really like Reta. Meeting her was one of the big reasons why we decided to go with CSS. Two, I'm nervous about who they will get to replace her. Who they will get to continue to handle our case. This really stinks!
I've been journaling about our journey through adoption on myspace for more than a year. I made my first post on February 1st 2008. Most people don't know what it takes to adopt a child. They think they do because they've seen such things on t.v., but really they have no clue. I know because I was one of them. Anyway, to give you an idea of the steps you must take (in some situations) to adopt a baby, I'm going to give you a shortened version of what I've done on myspace.
Feb. 1st 2008: We were looking for the right agency for us. We had 3 top runners. We had an appointment to meet with someone from our first choice.
Feb. 15th: We had met with that agency and decided that they were not for us. We just didn't jive with them.
Feb. 21st: I made contact with our second choice and they were unwilling to meet with us. Many agencies want to send you an information packet (which is great) and include the initial application. Application fees can range from $50-$200. We had already decided that we weren't paying anyone anything until we met with them and chose them. So, second choice was out also.
March 29th: I posted about the meeting we had with choice #3. It was a great meeting. We hit it off with our social worker or "adoption specialist" and decided to work with them (Catholic Social Services of Southern Illinois).
April 10th: The first step was filling our miles of paperwork and getting finger printed so we could get our background checks. FBI background checks no less... And we had to get TB tests.
April 18th: We had another meeting to take our marriage assessment test. That was brutal.
Fast-forward to June
June 21st: I talked about the meeting with the marriage therapist that we had to have. We had to be evaluated to make sure we had a happy marriage and one that could sustain adding a child.
June 27-28th: We took our foster classes.
July 24th: We had our homestudy. I turned in the remainder of our paperwork, our "dear birthmom letter", and our photo album.
August 8th: I get the call that everything has finally been approved and that we are officially a waiting couple.
August 16th: I blog about taking the phone into the shower with me. I was really worried that I would miss our call to be parents.
September 28th: I find out that a couple from our foster training class was chosen. This was the first of many couples that have been chosen instead of us. With each "not us" placement we move higher up on the list. However the list is just for cases when the birthmom doesn't want to choose the couple.
Nov. 1st: We get our foster license in the mail.
Nov. 13th: I write about our new decision to network (send our letter and picture to doctors, hospitals, etc.) and that we would be open to a bi-racial child.
Dec. 25th: It twas a not so merry Christmas to me. I'm pitiful.
In January 2009 I start blogging about other things.
Feb. 5: I mention that waiting is getting easier. That its not driving me sooooo crazy anymore.
March 29: Was the last news I got. We are #6 on the list.
August 8, 2009: Waiting for a placement for one year. I begin going to therapy shortly after.
This is our new computer and desk. 
and this is what I see of my husband these days. He is really into youtube. I'm glad he is enjoying the new fangled machine. (yes thats a lawn chair, do you know how much a desk chair costs these days... as much as the desk)
Today I participated in my first farmer's market. It wasn't near as big as the one above (just a picture I got online), but it was successful. Last night I baked several dozen chocolate biscotti, cinnamon biscotti, ginger scones, and chocolate chip scones. I packed 5 biscotti per bag (ziplock) and 4 scones per bag and charged $2.00 a bag. Also, my mother baked a pumpkin pie and apple pie. We were cleaned out. I made around $30 (I haven't totalled it up yet). I had a great time and I was thrilled to have been so profitable on my first try. All (except tithe) proceeds go to our adoption fund.
The adoption is getting along slowly but surely. Our next step is our appointment with the marriage therapist which is June 16th.
My husband got a second job. His main job is Monday-Thursday (4- 10 hour shifts) and his new one will be Friday & Saturday (2- 8 to 10 hour shifts). Most of the income from the second job is also going to be saved for the adoption.
It seems like God is really paving the way for us to be able to afford the fees without going into a huge amount of debt.
I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying staying home. I've been watching "little miss" a couple times a week. She's 7 mos. now. She is sitting up, trying to crawl, eating baby food, and saying "Dad Dad Dad", as well as many other vowel sounds. She's a cutie!
Sorry I've been away so long. I'm sure by now I've made it off some blog rolls for lack of attention... but hopefully someday I can be more active again. Anywho...
We've finally chosen an agency. We had a meeting with the social worker of our local catholic social services last Friday. We felt very good about it. Her name is Reta. Very nice and very professional. We got a load of paperwork, which I've been working on a little each day. We are getting fingerprinted tomorrow and we have another meeting with her on the 18th to officially apply for adoption. We have to then go to foster care classes, have a homestudy, and create a profile to share with birthmoms/parents, and then wait. Once we have a placement, and the baby comes to live with us, final legal adoption will take 6 mos. We will join the 7 currently waiting couples in their domestic adoption program. We have begun our journey... I'm very excited, hubby is a little intense especially about all the $ signs. I suppose if I was sole provider I would be too. Please pray for us as we go down this possibly long road- for patients, provision, and hope.
A post from Mary on losing a child.
We have another appointment with an agency next Friday March 7th. We're hoping this is the one, as we are running out of options.
Our meeting went okay, but we feel that one isn't the one for us. On to our next option. Its a place that takes in the women and helps them through out the pregnancy then helps them either chose adoptive parents or learn to take care of themselves and their child.
I know its been awhile. I just don't have the time online.
I voted on Super Tuesday. I'm proud to say that I voted for Mike Hukabee (sp?). I will admit that I didn't get a chance to look over all the candidates, but I voted with my husband which I would've done anyway. It was my first time voting, and I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to November.
We have an appt. with an adoption agency tomarrow. Its just an appt. to ask/answer questions and see if its the agency we want to go with. Its a 2:00 p.m.
Heres what I've been up to:
Cleaning
Taking care of Little Miss
Learning to make Cheescake
Thinking about adoption- my husband and I have decided that we want an older baby/toddler (6mos.-18mos.)
Reading- I just finished 12 Steps To Becoming A More Organized Woman & A Family Raised On Sunshine - I reccomend both
Craving blogger
I'm enjoying being at home, but I miss being on-line everyday. Can't have it all. I'll be on-line as much as I can.
More pictures.. I unloaded my camera finally. This is another Little Miss Christmas pic. In case you was wondering, yes thats my arm. Lovely arm isn't it. Thats about as much of me you'll see here.
Adoption update:
Theres an information packet with our name on it in the mail between there and here. I expect it tomorrow. From there we will call and get an appointment to talk over the process. How do I feel: well sort of like we are doing what we are supposed to do. Like its natural. Its weird, but good. It seems very natural. Our first lesson in this process was that Social workers screen their calls.
My last day at work will be next Thursday. I haven't heard any talk of looking for anyone to replace me or anything. I'm not sure what they think they are doing. Perhaps they are in denial. But, I really don't care. I feel very free.
I'm coming to you from my parent's computer. This is probably going to be when I'm most available now. Weekends.
I brought in 2008 exactly how I began 2007- sleeping next to the man that I Love. We did observe one tradition- eating corned beef. I bought some sliced thin at the deli and ate it as sandwiches on fresh french bread. Yummy!
2008 is going to be a year of changes I think. The first one is: I'm quiting my secretary job. Finally, hubby has agreed to let me quit. I'm excited about what I'm going to now. I'm either going to babysit for my niece full-time, or go back to cleaning houses a couple times a week. Just maybe I could start my own Baking business. The possibilities are endless. I'm open to where God is leading me. The down side is I'm not sure how often I'm going to be able to blog. My parents are getting Internet in a couple of days... so I'll be able to get on-line there. I'm going to keep my blog up. I just don't know how available I'll be.
The second change is: We are finally moving ahead with adoption. The social worker will be back from the holidays Jan. 7th. We're going to call and make an appt. to talk to her. I'm excited and scared to death all at once. We know its going to be a long road, but we are finally ready to take that next step.
I hope you have a good year!
