Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Posted by Bethanie at Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Ugh...... Everything has been so crazy. I started my new job last week. It is more hectic than I would've ever imagined. My schedule is all over the place. The hours are different every day. It was supposed to be "part-time", but I'm doing 40+ this week. Almost all of my co-works act as if they suck on lemons. Let me just put it out there- I HATE IT! But, it is what it is. It has defiantly upped my prayer life. I've been praying for patients, mercy, and a speedy end to this detour on my journey.
I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging. Not that I was obsessed with it before the job. Really though, I don't even have the energy to check my email these days.
Posted by Bethanie at Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
In case you didn't notice, most of my life has a soundtrack. I have a jukebox in my brain. There are some changes happening. For the past two years I've worked within my home. I've been preparing for a baby. One that's coming any moment now- I just know it. Yeah, well.... Life keeps rolling on. For a couple months now we've been having a hard time with our mortgage company. We tried to refinance our home loan with a local bank. Even though they led us to believe that we were approved, it didn't work out. While they were dragging their feet, my hubby's credit began to lower since we couldn't afford to pay our raised payments. Finally, it became very clear that we were going to have to try and work something out with our original loan. We've been talking to them about taking the escrow out of our payments (we've already got our taxes & insurance coming directly to us now), but they say that there's nothing they can do for us until we get our payments caught up. So, that's what we are doing. We are sending them another check tomorrow and that should have us caught up. Now, if we don't get something worked out with them...... well, we can't afford to pay what they want. So, we either have to sell the house (which I might as well tell you, is impossible) or sign it over to the bank. That would hurt my hubby's credit - but, as I said it is already imperfect now. What does this mean for us? Well, we will have to move. Where? I don't know. I do know that they won't give us a baby if we are homeless. My parents keep telling us that we won't be homeless as long as they are alive. That is comforting. Sort of. Even if we have a home to live in, they still won't give us a baby if we are living with my parents. We have to be able to show that we are responsible and capable of providing for a child. Living with your mommy- isn't doing that. Also, we have to redo our homestudy in August since its been two years. They will do a credit check. So, if they haven't found out that we are homeless, they will find out that our credit isn't as good as it used to be. Another reason not to give us a baby.
Ok. So with all of that explained, I can safely say that there are some serious changes soon to come. Even if we do work something out with them with this house and get everything resolved, we've already decided that we really need to get out of this sink hole. This is not a homeowners pie in the sky right now. Basically, one way or another I see us living somewhere else by Christmas. Renting isn't looking to bad folks. Our dream is to buy some land in the country, around 5 acres or so and putting a double wide on it. Having a pasture with some horses & cows. A barn with some chickens & ducks. A big garden with vegetables and fruit. Yeah, we want to be farmers. I grew up in the country. I know how great it would be to raise a child there. Where it's quiet. I want a porch where I can go out in the morning and read my Bible with a cup of tea and be at peace.
Today I got a job. Like a real one. Outside of my home. At a popular large retail store. More or less, I will be deep frying food all day. Thank God I get to wear gloves. Isn't that precious. *Disgusted Sigh* I know I'm going to be standing there with grease splattering my clothes and wondering how I got to that point. While this battle with our mortgage company goes on, I know we are going to need extra money to pay our regular bills. I was surprised at how easy it was to get a job. I guess it is what God wants me to do right now. I do what I need to do when I need to do it. But, I will be dreaming of the day that I quit. When I can be in my home (where ever it is), rocking my baby to sleep. It's just going to take more work. More prayer. More waiting. More patients. More love. More faith. Oh Lord....... So much more faith.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Friday, May 07, 2010
I've made it no secret in the past that I seriously loath Mother's Day. I know its something that will always be with me, even if I finally do become a mother some day. It would be so much easier if it did not have to be on a Sunday. Last year I went to church because I felt it might be my Grandmother's last Mother's Day. This year, she is most likely too weak to make it to church herself anyway. So, I'm avoiding it. It hasn't been easy since I teach a children's sunday school class. I've been trying to find someone to cover for me. Today I just left a message with the sunday school director that I wouldn't be there and I'll just let him take care of it. I think we may take a trip down south to The Garden of The Gods. Its beautiful country. I'm going to try and forget that the silly holiday ever exsisted!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My ovaries have turned against me again recently. I've got cysts on both of them. I've been off the pill for a few months to see what would happen. Well, I found out all right. So, I'm feeling some better but still a little yucky. Went back on the pill to hopefully feel totally better soon.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Casey told me that I could write about anything that I wanted as long as I had “faith” as a theme in mind. God has been trying to teach me about faith for a very long time. I decided to look up the definition of faith and among the other explanations this stuck out to me: [complete trust]. Do I completely trust God? Its really hard for me to admit, but I would have to say no. At the very least, I would say I sometimes don’t trust Him. Unless you’ve been living in a bubble your whole life, you know that people hurt each other. They let each other down. They stomp on each other. Even after only one experience like that, one begins to loose their innocent trust in others. I was raised in church and I have read the Bible for myself so I know that God is not human and loves me in a way that I cannot understand. He would never hurt me. He hurts when I hurt. I know this. I even believe it too. But, when things seem to be so bad - instead of trusting that He will take care of me and everything will be ok; I don’t. I guess you could say I sort of throw a tantrum. Yeah, just like a two year old. Things are not going my way and it is oh so unfair. I behave very badly right in front of my Father. I really do wish that I trusted Him. Everything would be so much easier. So much heartache and stress would be avoided. I don’t have “complete trust” in anyone. After 9 years I still occasionally ask my husband if he’s going to leave me. All that we’ve been through, not complete trust. All that my Lord has been through with me and for me, not complete trust. Faith or “trust” in God is a daily choice. In fact, a choice that has to be made from one minute to the next sometimes. Its not easy for me to make a conscious choice. I’m always letting my emotions run wild. Faith and Trust is saying, “Alright, I’m going to set aside everything that I think I know about this situation and I’m going to think this way about it”. It does occasionally happen that I react the correct way. But, not often enough. He is always trying to teach me to trust Him. It makes me think of that children’s song: “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be….” That is so true.
Posted by Bethanie at Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Posted by Bethanie at Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Posted by Bethanie at Tuesday, April 13, 2010