Yestarday my parents told me that they have decided to involve Hospice in my Grandmother's care. I know what comes to people's minds when they hear that word, "Hospice". Its death.
I want to tell you a little about my Grandma.
My Grandparents were sweathearts. They were farmers. They were married for 10 years before they finally had my Dad. He was their only child, and my Grandma nearly died having him. I don't remember my Grandpa much, he died when I was 5 years old. I know that he was a tall, large man. I know that he liked to play with me and my brother. My mom said that it was like watching a giant play with a kitten. I know that my Grandparents were in love. After he passed away my Grandma lived on her own. She became very independant. She practically raised my brother and I. We went to her house after school (she was only a couple of blocks away), and we stayed with her whenever both parents were out of town (which was often during my tween years). She liked to show us old black and white pictures of her relatives and tell us stories about who they were. I wish I had written it all down, becuase I don't remember anymore. She loved God. She had an old worn bible that she always kept next to her on the couch. She could sing and played the piano for her church. She tried to teach me to play-I never learned. She could sew.
Every since I can remember my Grandma had tremors. She liked to hold my hand sometimes, and my whole arm would shake. In 2003 the parkinsons really started to take its toll on her mind as well as her body. It was kind of like Alhermizers (sp?). She couldn't remember to take her medicine, she couldn't remember to eat, she couldn't remember to shower. One morning, my mom couldn't get her awake. She was sitting on the couch, partly undressed with her coat on and her shoes were laying by the front door. She had been outside, in the night-in that condition. The medics came and finally at the hospital she woke up. She never went home after that day. She has been in several different nursing homes with several different problems. She been up and down-up and down. Now she isn't eating or taking her meds. She can't, nothing will go down. She's lost her ability to swallow and she's starving. On top of that she has an infection in her saliva glands that has probably already gone to her blood.
I have visited her pretty often over the last 4 years. I watched her disapear.
The things that are coming-I just dread them. People with their sympathic looks and words. Staring at her worn out body as the walk past. Its not appropriate, but I want to tell them not to feel bad. We have seen her fall apart little by little-Death isn't a horrible thing. Finally she will be ok again. In Heaven she'll be Grandma again. I can't waite to be with her.