Hair?

I've been having hair issues. I started growing out my hair in 2005 for my brother's wedding. I was to be a bridesmaide and I wanted to have some hair to style. My husband grew attached to it, and I have to admit that I was enjoying it as well. I continued to allow it to grow. But, my hair dresser didn't like it. She would make comments about how much better I looked with shorter hair and she would end up cutting off more than I wanted ever time. I would ask for a trim, and I would come out with 2 inches cut off. I started putting off going. I went for a trim last August. Not only did she cut off more than I asked, it was uneven and she charged me $5 more than usual ($25, no washing or styling). I was pretty upset and vowed I wouldn't go back to her again. Unfortuanatly, I never went anywhere new either. I kept thinking I would go somewhere, but I'm afraid they will mess it up. So, you can imagine what my hair looks like. It is down passed the middle of my back, but I have dead hair up to my shoulders. I can't do anything with it. I can't just leave it down because it gets in my way, the flyaway hairs get in my face and get caught in things. I can't put it up because its so heavy it won't stay up. I can't style it, it won't hold. I can't leave it wet because theres so much of it, and It look really bad when I dry it. All I can do is pull it back just at the base of my head, and let it lay there. Like a dead squirel. I was so frustrated with it this morning, I nearly took a pair of scissors to it myself. I....just....couldn't....... do it.
I asked smockity frocks for some hair advise. She has some good tips. But, I know my hair is so damaged that these things aren't going to fix it. I know what has to be done. I have to get it cut off and start over. Hubby doesn't want me to do it, but he also doesn't like the shape its in now either. I don't want to pay a fortune for a hair cut, and I don't want to come out looking like a boy. I really wish there was an easy solution to this problem.