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Monday, April 30, 2007

Marriage Monday

"We all have 'em. We all learned from 'em (for good and bad). Hopefully they were and still are supportive and loving and provide a wonderful resource for inspiration in our marriages. Unfortunately this isn't always the case. Here are the questions to think about for today's Marriage Monday:"

  • Was it difficult for either you or your husband to separate from your family? Was it difficult for your family to separate from you?
  • How was your first year of marriage as a new "family"?
  • What kind of influence do your families of origin have on your marriage now?
  • How do you protect the integrity of your family unit from outside influences?

We got engaged my Senior year of high school. I went on the Senior trip and that was the first time I had been away from my parents, aside from staying with my Grandparents. It was the first time that I was virtually without adult supervision. It was a long, long weekend. I missed my mother's guidance so much. A few months later and all the sudden I was again on my own- on my honeymoon. Yes, it was difficult for me to separate from my parents. Many of those first nights I layed awake quietly crying thinking, "How did I get here?". I was in a house, in a bed, with a man; and I realized how young I was. How much I didn't know what I was doing. How much I wished that my parents could still control my life. I wanted my mommy!

It is told that the evening after the wedding, my dad routinely stayed up until midnight- waiting for me to come home. Of course I didn't. My mother was sitting in my old room crying. Yes, it was hard for them to separate from me. I was their first to leave the nest. Their baby.

Our first year was complicated. We think back now in wonder at how great it was. As can be expected we often only remember the good times. New love is so exciting. But, I remember to myself some of the hardships too. Just trying to agree on what kind of laundry detergent to use was difficult. My husband lost his Grandmother a week before our first Christmas. We were broke, a lot. The first year is all about getting used to each other. And each others families.

The fact is that we must almost completely separate ourselves from his mother. She is dangerous to our marriage. I don't wish to disrespect her- but its a fact that we both acknowledge. We visit occasionally in polite conversation only and my husband takes care of what he feels are his obligations to her, and thats about it. The unfortunate truth is that my mother-in-law is a very unhappy person. We can not allow that to penetrate our unit.

I see things from my parents marriage all the time. Just this weekend I realized that I correct my husband unnecessarily, just by watching my mother do it to my father. I also see things from my brother's marriage, my Grandparents marriage, everywhere. The wife says or does something that causes a negative reaction in the husband and I learn what not to do.

2 comments:

Nise' said...

Thanks for sharing today. I love your statment "I want my mommy". I am 46 years old and still want my mommy, there's just something about a mom that makes everything all right. I think it is neat that you can look at marriages around you negative or positive and learn from them. Thanks for sharing today.

Christine said...

I also learn from watching others' marriages, for good and bad. It takes maturity to actually recognize what you want to avoid and actually succeed in avoiding it!! It's great that you've been able to find joy in your family "unit" above all other relationships. Thanks for posting!

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