Marriage Monday (30dayhusbandchallenge)

The Honor Your Husband 30 Day Challenge

Is Here!

"Throughout each day, put aside negative words and bring good to your husband by words and actions. Notice things he does for you and your family and show your appreciation. Compliment him. Speak well of him in public, both in his presence and when he is not with you. Give him the opportunity to be your hero and praise his masculinity. Tell your children (if you have them) how wonderful their daddy is. Accept his decisions with grace and really support them, even if you don't fully agree. If you have a disagreement, show respect by maintaining a pleasant tone of voice and eye contact. Serve him first at the dinner table. Don't be insincere, but surprise him by withholding a typical negative reaction in favor of a God-honoring one.

Choose a few small goals for yourself each week and make sure to post them. Write them on post-its and put them on your mirror, in your car and your purse, or anywhere else you'll see them. Keep a journal for the month about successes and struggles. What is hardest for you to do? What comes easily? How is your husband responding to your efforts?"

My goals for week 1:

• 
  
  Take extra time each morning to make myself look better for my husband.


• 
  
  Start a habit of praying for my husband each morning as he's heading out the door.


• 
  
  Ask him every day if he sees something I need to do; then do it.

Marriage Monday

Next week's Marriage Monday is all about "Fruit In Season"'s Honor Your Husband 30 Day Challenge.

Marriage Monday

• What is your definition of a traditional marriage? Do you consider yours to be traditional or contemporary?


• What scriptures do you turn to (if any) when determining your role in your marriage?


• In the sharing of duties in your home (childcare, work, house cleaning), are you and your husband satisfied with the way things get done? If not, how would you or he like it to change?

When I think of the term "traditional marriage" I think of stuff those activists against gay marriage say. "Marriage should be between a man and a woman, the traditional marriage". I'm not sure if we are traditional or contemporary in the sense that the question is asking. I guess you could say we are contemporary in that we are always on the go and we believe an arguement every now and then is healthy. But we are traditional maybe also because my husband is the leader and I take care of all domestic duties.

Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Titus 2:5 "To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Proverbs 31:27 "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

Proverbs 31:11&12 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

I remember when we first got married, I decided to make up a chore list. In one column there was the things that I would do and in the next column I wrote down the things I thought he should do. I tacked it up on the fridge and waited to see things accomplished. Several days went by and finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I asked him if he had seen it, he said he had. I asked him why he hadn't done any of the things on his part and he said, "Don't need anothor mother". My husband does the typical husband stuff. He mows the yard, he takes out the trash, and he takes care of the general maitenance of the car and house. I take care of the cleaning, cooking, and organization of the house hold. However, occasionally he'll help me put away the clothes and sometimes I help him in the garage. A couple of weeks ago I learned how to push mow the yard, and enjoyed it. And just the other night he took the broom out of the closet and asked if I would mind if he swept the floor a little. Its not his job to help me, but sometimes he does. He doesn't expect me to take out the trash, but if he isn't there and its overflowing then I do. Make no mistake, there is a ranking system in action in our home. But, in a way we are also partners. After 6 years each of us knows what we have to do, and how to get it done together.

Marriage Monday

The carnival is post-poned until next week because "fruitinseason" isn't well. However, I'm going to go ahead and post about it.

We go out alot. We don't have children, so its easy to come and go. We eat out, go to the movies, go out of town. We truely enjoy each other's company. I know of many couples who can't honestly say that. We are companions, friends. Spending time together in our activities and outings is a huge part of our relationship.

Marriage Monday Topic

The topic for this coming Monday is:

It's a holiday weekend! So in that spirit our topic on Monday will be vacations, dates and other times away. Here are some questions to ponder this weekend:

• Do you take vacations as a family, with just your husband, or both?
• What are those vacations like? Do they wear you out or refresh you?
• Do you schedule regular date nights? If so, do you talk about your children (if you have them) or have a children-free-conversation rule?
• Do you have family out of town and if so, how often do you visit them? Is it stressful or relaxing to visit?
• How do all these things affect your marriage relationship?
  
  

I have Monday off work, so I'll have to post mine on Tuesday.

Marriage Monday

Just two weeks ago my mom and I went to wedding. The bride was beautiful. You could tell that she was excited about her new life with her husband. I couldn't help but laugh to myself a little, knowing what was instore for her.
Marriage is difficult. It doesn't take long for that "warm brownie" feeling to wear off. Sharing so much of your life with someone, your going to have some strife.
My advise for a new bride is: Go with the flow.
All of my life I heard that phrase. Its one of my mother's favorite things to say. It used to drive me nuts. When I was a kid, I always liked to know what was next. With my mother being so sparatic, it was near to impossible. I liked to beable to look ahead, and be organized and prepared. But, she is a fly by the seat of her pants kind of gal. I always dragged my heals, complaining that things were too disfunctional and trying to control what little slack that I had. I was always uptight, nervous, and angry.
As you can imagine, I took this into my marriage too. There was simply no room for it.
One time, in the middle of an arguement, my husband said to me, "Your like a fish trying to swim upstream!" I was always trying to make things go my way. Of course they didn't, and I would go into a rage over the feeling of chaos. Battling against the current that was pushing my life.
When it comes to God and your husband, you must go with the flow. Otherwise you miss out on so many good things. They know what is best for you. Just enjoy the ride.

Marriage Monday

"What advice would you give a newly married bride about marriage?"

Marriage Monday

"We all have 'em. We all learned from 'em (for good and bad). Hopefully they were and still are supportive and loving and provide a wonderful resource for inspiration in our marriages. Unfortunately this isn't always the case. Here are the questions to think about for today's Marriage Monday:"

• Was it difficult for either you or your husband to separate from your family? Was it difficult for your family to separate from you?
• How was your first year of marriage as a new "family"?
• What kind of influence do your families of origin have on your marriage now?
• How do you protect the integrity of your family unit from outside influences?

We got engaged my Senior year of high school. I went on the Senior trip and that was the first time I had been away from my parents, aside from staying with my Grandparents. It was the first time that I was virtually without adult supervision. It was a long, long weekend. I missed my mother's guidance so much. A few months later and all the sudden I was again on my own- on my honeymoon. Yes, it was difficult for me to separate from my parents. Many of those first nights I layed awake quietly crying thinking, "How did I get here?". I was in a house, in a bed, with a man; and I realized how young I was. How much I didn't know what I was doing. How much I wished that my parents could still control my life. I wanted my mommy!

It is told that the evening after the wedding, my dad routinely stayed up until midnight- waiting for me to come home. Of course I didn't. My mother was sitting in my old room crying. Yes, it was hard for them to separate from me. I was their first to leave the nest. Their baby.

Our first year was complicated. We think back now in wonder at how great it was. As can be expected we often only remember the good times. New love is so exciting. But, I remember to myself some of the hardships too. Just trying to agree on what kind of laundry detergent to use was difficult. My husband lost his Grandmother a week before our first Christmas. We were broke, a lot. The first year is all about getting used to each other. And each others families.

The fact is that we must almost completely separate ourselves from his mother. She is dangerous to our marriage. I don't wish to disrespect her- but its a fact that we both acknowledge. We visit occasionally in polite conversation only and my husband takes care of what he feels are his obligations to her, and thats about it. The unfortunate truth is that my mother-in-law is a very unhappy person. We can not allow that to penetrate our unit.

I see things from my parents marriage all the time. Just this weekend I realized that I correct my husband unnecessarily, just by watching my mother do it to my father. I also see things from my brother's marriage, my Grandparents marriage, everywhere. The wife says or does something that causes a negative reaction in the husband and I learn what not to do.

Next Marriage Monday

"Next week's topic is going to be Families of Origin. I was going to say "In-Laws" but I thought that might bring out some griping! :)Think about these questions:

• Was it difficult for either you or your husband to separate from your family? Was it difficult for your family to separate from you?
• How was your first year of marriage as a new "family"?
• What kind of influence do your families of origin have on your marriage now?
• How do you protect the integrity of your family unit from outside influences?"

I'm glad she gives us the topics on Friday so I have all weekend to think about it.

Marriage Monday Postponed

Marriage Monday Postponed
"fruit in season" is in the hospital. Shes having early contractions and they are trying to stop them.
I think I'm going to go ahead and post about the topic though.

Since we don't have children it is easier for us to spend time together. We can just pick up and go somewhere anytime we want to. We love to travel. Our honeymoon was basically a week long road trip. We've been to New York City (yes, we drove), Arizona, The Smokey Mts., Branson Mo., and everywhere in between. We love to see new things together.

During the summer we like to camp. It is the perfect opportunity to be a helpmeet. Everything during your day has to be planned for, worked on, and accomplished together. Cooking over the open fire, keeping the camper as clean as possible, keeping the fire going, it all takes preparation, time, and a joint effort. I love spent time working together.

Our typical Friday night usually goes like this: We eat out, we love to try new restaurants. We rent a couple movies, and cozy up on the couch together. Its the simple evenings that I truly enjoy. This is the time that we have to be comfortable together. To forget the hassles of the week, and rest.

Marriage Monday

This week's topic is "Time"- as in time spent together.

I'll post tomarrow.

Marriage Monday-Nagging

Today's subject is nagging. Something I've done a lot of before.

I don't recall ever hearing my mother really nag at my father. She tells him to do something, and he does it. My husband, however, is not so easily bent to my will. As you can about guess, I figured he would be just like my dad. When it turned out he was not there to serve my interests, and I wasn't used to it, we had much conflict. Thankfully, I did eventually get over myself. Now, I just do it. I would much rather, for example, take out the trash myself than nag at him to do it. He's a busy man, and theres no reason why he should notice that it is getting full since I'm the one throwing out the egg shells and such. But, when he does notice I'm thrilled.

Marriage Monday by "fruitinseason"

(Click on the pic. to see the post)

(pic is from the "fruitinseason" blog)

Every Monday (so it seems) "fruitinseaon" has a Marriage Monday post. But, on Friday she asks her readers to come up with a post of their own to go with the topic she is on. You post your story on your blog and then add your link to her blog on Monday. This week she asks us to write about what kind of woman you were when you met and married your husband. Here goes....

I met my husband in school. I had known him for several years, before I became interested in him and then it was another year or so before he got interested in me. I was 16 years old and finishing up my sauphmore year in high school when we started "going out". What kind of woman was I? Well, I was a teenager. I was very niave about everything. I had never had a boyfriend before, never been on a date before, etc. The biggest concern on my mind was wheither or not I would be passing Algebra. I had no concept of what real life was. My goal was having nothing less than a C on my record so I could get into a good college and please my mother.

After 2 years of dating we got engaged. I was a senior in high school and at this point I, as most young adults do, felt like I already had everything all figured out. I was ready to be out of school-and moved on with life. I was anxious, and impatient. I wanted to be independant of my parents and have a life of my own. Do what I want, when I wanted.

We were married a month after my 19th birthday. I think it was when we got home from our honeymoon when I realized that marriage wasn't going to be all about me. But I fought that notion for years. In my parents marriage, my mother is the center of all things. She says what goes. So, naturally I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. But, my husband isn't as...well he isn't my father. 4 years of struggling to get and keep control, got me a very unpleasant living situation. I knew I was the problem...but I honestly didn't understand what else to do. I was a terrible wife. Yelling, Complaining, Demanding, Controlling, Threatening. Because of my stubborness and ignorance, that is what our daily life was like.

After discovering that I was infertile, I was even worse. I was horrible and then some. It was months before I realized that I needed to turn to God for help. The enemy was getting the best of me and my husband was taking the worst. I prayed that God would show me what I was doing wrong and how I could be better. I knew that if something didn't change that my marriage would be over. I sure didn't expect what God showed me. I read the Purpose Driven Life (I'm not necessarily endorsing Rick Warren or his business here) and on the first page it reads, "Its not about YOU". That was it. Once I realized that life wasn't about me I went on to learn that I was created to be his helpmeet, the lies women believe and what I had been taught about feminism, and what the bible teaches about womanhood and marraige. I have to admit that I would come across a truth, and go "Thats nuts". But, I knew that what I had been doing wasn't working. Then when I plugged these things into my daily life with my husband, and it worked- I knew that it was the truth. It was difficult, and still is, but I could see the results and it was good.

I'm not going to say that I've now got it all figured out. It is a choice I have to make every day. To be what I now know God wants me to be. I'm always learning more.

Right now...at this moment I feel free. When my husband first "asked me out" I was a silly little girl. When we got married I was a confused rebel. Now I'm a woman that is free to love her husband the way God intended.