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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Repost: Ladies & College

Original Ladies & College post
There is a lot of discussion about college on Chrystals blog right now. She is against women going to college. I respect her opinion very much. I wanted to give a short run down of my experiance of college and what I think.My mother went to college and got a degree in sociology. She started encouraging me to focus on college when I started Highschool. She told how my highschool record would determine if I would go to a good college or just a community college. I needed to try my hardest to get good grades. I have a public school diagnosis of a learning disorder so I had to work really hard to get As, Bs, and even Cs. My Jr year I took my ACTs and applyed to several good schools in the area including the one my mother went to. I was under the impression that college was just the next step in life. Then my boyfriend and I decided to get married. We got engaged on my 18th birthday (during my sr. year). I was pretty much aware of the fact that I wasn't going anywhere since he had a great job and wasn't about to start over somewhere else. My mom however was excepting of the engagment as long as I could still go to college. I remember the night so well. The night that I told her we wouldn't be moving to any of the places that I applied to. At that point in my life, I don't remember her ever being so angry with me. She actually left the house in the middle of the night and didn't return for several hours. She didn't speak to me for a couple of days. Because we weren't getting married until November of the next year she was determinded to make me go to the community college at least. I was still under her roof and I went. We were married in the middle of my first semester. I finished that semester and didn't go back after christmas break. College, I quickly learned, wasn't for me. I was impersonal. I couldn't believe the apathy of the teachers. They didn't care if I came to class or graduated or anything. They were unwilling to help me when I was having a hard time, and one in particular was even unwilling to teach. She came to class, wrote her notes on the board, and we read our book. She rarly ever talked. They certainly weren't excepting of my time off for our honeymoon and one told me that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life when I came back. I won't even get into the guys. I took a lot of foolishness from highschool boys, but when a college guy hears your engaged he asumes that you are sleeping with your boyfriend and thinks you'll sleep with him if he is charming enough. Of all the guys I came in contact with, only one related with me as a person instead of a slut, and he was gay. I felt very out of place and uncomfortable in college. I disliked the whole experiance and my hubby hated it even more. Because I was spending so much time there I had sort of a seperate life there, one he didn't understand. Plus, I would tell him of the way the other males treated me and he hated that he couldn't be there to protect me. He became suspecious of me and very jeaolous. As much as I didn't want to go back after christmas, he felt even stronger against it. I wasn't benifiting any knowledge from the experiance and it was only making our new marriage more difficult. When I didn't go back my mother was furious and I felt bad, but I was no longer under her authority. She has had an issue with that every since. Occasionally she still talks to me about going back. I have no desire to do so, even if my hubby would let me. Which he wouldn't.I strongly believe that God created woman to be a helpmeet. Either to her father or her husband depending on whos authority she is under. If her father or husband requires her to go to college then she should be submissive and go. College is, in my opinion, and dangerous depressing experiance though. So is public school in general but thats another post. If she must go, then she should go with joy but pray that she might be allowed to stop going before she is damaged. She should pray for God's protection, as she can not be protected by her earthy authority in that setting. Over all I think woman should not go to college because it is dangerous, let alone the fact that if she will be living out her purpose as a helpmeet she would not need college to do so. College will not teach a woman to be of a servants heart. It will only teach her that she is more powerful than her authority figure and that she doesn't need him. It will teach her to pursue a bankless career instead of giving her husband babies or taking care of her elderly parents. She will learn that she is her own idol. Her own God.But, you know what....I'm not your authority. This is just what I see as the truth according to my experiance and the wisdom that my husband shares with me. Go...find your authority. If you don't have a husband or a father...that would be God then. Ask him what he thinks.


Anna S said...

Thank you for posting this. Your experience is valuable. "If you don't have a husband or a father...that would be God" - why, that's exactly my situation. I don't have a husband or a father, and therefore must pray for God's help and guidance.

I'm happy for you that you could quit early enough and become a wife and homemaker.
I had my full share of college, as I'm about to complete my degree. I won't say I hate college or that it's all bad; no, I did learn useful things (knowledge in nutrition is bound to be useful to a homemaker...) and I met wonderful people. However, I was still under immoral, worldly influence. I'd like to get away from that influence.

That does NOT mean I'm a slacker or that I don't want to learn anymore. I do! Learning is one of my greatest passions. Only I want to do it my way, and in a safe environment.

Bethanie said...

Oh no, of course not. Continueing to learn is very important. I try to keep my mind sharp by reading alot and learning what I can from my husband. For example, last evening I learned how to mow our yard. Thats valuable information. LOL

Heather said...

This is very interesting, Bethanie. I think that college for women is between each individual and God, just as I believe the choice betwen working and being home and the choice between public, provate, and homeschool is between the family and God. The Lord knows exactlyy what is best for each individual and what will help them be the most fully what He would have them be.

That said, when I first married I had just recently graduated college (special ed and and elementary ed teacher with an art minor) and learned that the Lord intended for me to stay home and for my hubby to work (I believe it is best in general but each case is different--in my case it was an absolute). I felt that all this training I had had was worthless (even though due to my personality the college atmosphere had almost no affect on me and my valuesfor someone less idealistic and more focused on what people think it could have been disasterous). I was frustrated because I knew the Lord was leading us to homeschool (I got pregnant right away) and that I was to stay home--so why were we paying all these college loans?

Fast forward 10 years. The Lord has used my college education IMMENSELY not only in helping me teach our three children (two of which have multiple learning disabilities just like their father and I) but also to help encourage other homeschoolers who do not have teacher training. He has taken what I had not wanted (my parents chose the school I went to and decided that of all the things I would best be a teacher AND were very disappointed that I chose not to continue teaching)and has used it in so many ways that I cannot possibly say that higher education for women is all bad. In fact, I intend to train my girls in the way each is designed--not just that they be a housewife someday, but also that should He want to use them in another way, then His will be done. The oldest has already been called to missions--which woudl definitely require college--whether she married or not. The second has artistic and musical leanings and may or may not choose college--if she did we would be extra careful because the art and music departments tend to be especially corrupted.

He has also softened my idealism in that time--I have learned that the Lord works in many different ways and that not everyone is called to the same thing. I used to be so sure that every woman was called to be a stay at home wife and to homeschool and I still think that is best, yet now I understand that you can still be a helpmeet to your husband and work outside the home, you can still train your children if God calls you to send them away from home to school.

My point is, I guess, that what is best in general is not best for all individually and only God can make that final decision. There is a time and place for everything under heaven.

Bethanie said...

Thanks for your opinion Heather.

Barbara H. said...

While I would agree it is not God's will for every girl to go to college, I would not agree it is never His will for any girl to go to college.

He miraculously provided for me to go to a Christian college (that makes a world of difference right there) where Christian values and truths were taught. It reinforced what I had read in the Bible and been taught at church rather than conflicting. I had always been rather timid and not very good at meeting people, but God used a Christian college to bring me out of my shell and be comfortable meeting and interacting with others. There is so much He used college to teach me and impact me -- spiritually, socially, intellectually creatively. He also led me to my husband there. Of course He could do all those things through any other means He chose, but He used college in my life.

I did not come from a Christian home nor a very domestic home, and God used college (I was a Home Ec. Ed, major) -- both in classes and chapel -- to teach me to be a help meet for my husband, to prepare me to be a mother, to teach me domestic skills, to have a servant's heart.

I have been married for 27 years and a stay-at-home mom for 22. I was not taught to put career ahead of family.

College did [i]not[/i] teach me that I was more powerful than my authority figure or to pursue a career instead of being a wife and mother or that I was my own idol.

I'm not trying to be argumentative here at all -- just trying to show the other side. I am sorry for your terrible experience, but as Christians we have to be careful about broad generalizations.

Again, I don't that college is for every girl, but I do believe and know by my experience and others that God can and does use it in some people's lives. It's just one of many tools in his hand.

Bethanie said...

I'm always open to difference of opinions, as long as they aren't anonymous comments (I think thats cheap).
I just wanted to add that I didn't intend to come off like I was telling others what to do, if I did. I simply wanted to give my opinion and experience. The reason for the repost was that Anna S. was facing these issues.
Thank you Barbara for your comment!

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