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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes Turn and Face The Strange Changes

In case you didn't notice, most of my life has a soundtrack.  I have a jukebox in my brain.  There are some changes happening.  For the past two years I've worked within my home.  I've been preparing for a baby.  One that's coming any moment now- I just know it.  Yeah, well.... Life keeps rolling on.  For a couple months now we've been having a hard time with our mortgage company.  We tried to refinance our home loan with a local bank.  Even though they led us to believe that we were approved, it didn't work out.  While they were dragging their feet, my hubby's credit began to lower since we couldn't afford to pay our raised payments.  Finally, it became very clear that we were going to have to try and work something out with our original loan.  We've been talking to them about taking the escrow out of our payments (we've already got our taxes & insurance coming directly to us now), but they say that there's nothing they can do for us until we get our payments caught up.  So, that's what we are doing.  We are sending them another check tomorrow and that should have us caught up.  Now, if we don't get something worked out with them...... well, we can't afford to pay what they want.  So, we either have to sell the house (which I might as well tell you, is impossible) or sign it over to the bank.  That would hurt my hubby's credit - but, as I said it is already imperfect now.  What does this mean for us?  Well, we will have to move.  Where?  I don't know.  I do know that they won't give us a baby if we are homeless.  My parents keep telling us that we won't be homeless as long as they are alive.  That is comforting.  Sort of.  Even if we have a home to live in, they still won't give us a baby if we are living with my parents.  We have to be able to show that we are responsible and capable of providing for a child.  Living with your mommy- isn't doing that.  Also, we have to redo our homestudy in August since its been two years.  They will do a credit check.  So, if they haven't found out that we are homeless, they will find out that our credit isn't as good as it used to be.  Another reason not to give us a baby. 
Ok.  So with all of that explained, I can safely say that there are some serious changes soon to come.  Even if we do work something out with them with this house and get everything resolved, we've already decided that we really need to get out of this sink hole.  This is not a homeowners pie in the sky right now.  Basically, one way or another I see us living somewhere else by Christmas.  Renting isn't looking to bad folks.  Our dream is to buy some land in the country, around 5 acres or so and putting a double wide on it.  Having a pasture with some horses & cows.  A barn with some chickens & ducks.  A big garden with vegetables and fruit.  Yeah, we want to be farmers.  I grew up in the country.  I know how great it would be to raise a child there.  Where it's quiet.  I want a porch where I can go out in the morning and read my Bible with a cup of tea and be at peace. 
Today I got a job.  Like a real one.  Outside of my home.  At a popular large retail store.  More or less, I will be deep frying food all day.  Thank God I get to wear gloves.  Isn't that precious.  *Disgusted Sigh*  I know I'm going to be standing there with grease splattering my clothes and wondering how I got to that point.  While this battle with our mortgage company goes on, I know we are going to need extra money to pay our regular bills.  I was surprised at how easy it was to get a job.  I guess it is what God wants me to do right now.  I do what I need to do when I need to do it.  But, I will be dreaming of the day that I quit.  When I can be in my home (where ever it is), rocking my baby to sleep.  It's just going to take more work.  More prayer.  More waiting.  More patients.  More love.  More faith.  Oh Lord....... So much more faith.

5 comments:

Help Meet in the Making said...

I know everything you and your husband are going through must be very hard, and I really admire your strong faith through it all. I just also wanted to encourage you with this verse that I'm sure you know, but what wonderful truth to meditate on!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11

God obviously has so much more planned for you! It's so hard to see it sometimes, His timing and ways are so different than ours. I am struggling a little with this too in my life, but this verse gives me so much hope and strengthens my faith in the Lord that He has a way better plan for us than we could ever imagine.

Bethanie said...

That is one of my favorite verses. Thank you for reminding me of it.

Jen said...

I'm sorry to hear that things are tough for you right now but I'm so happy you are doing something about it. As much as I would love to be a stay at home wife, I know that now is a good time for me to work because someday I will have a baby and I don't want to worry about money and working then. The Lord has given us this time now for a reason. It sounds like you are doing a good thing and making the most of what He's given you and with a positive attitude no less!

bre said...

praying for you Bethanie. A few years ago I ended up working at a factory, I remember thinking rather cynically, yeah I am so glad I went to college. Especially when I walked home in the rain. But.... it was just a season. We got caught up and moved on to better jobs. Its a transition, and you ARE doing the right thing. :) I am proud of you!

Goodwife said...

I'm a stay at home wife and mom too yet when I've needed a job to get us over financial hurdles, God has quickly provided it. Then He has just as quickly taken it away when the financial hurdle was gone. That's one of the ways I know that being a stay at home is what God wants for me. Keep praying, and keep the Faith, God gave you the job when you needed it. Just another way He's reminding you He's in control and that He'll provide your needs! :)

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